We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty Maya Angelou
Why am I my worse critic? Why do I beat myself down with negative thinking? Why don’t I see beauty when I look in the mirror? Why do I hold myself back from doing things I desire to do? Why do I turn to food to fill voids the within me? Why am I a sufferer of postpartum depression? Is this what my life consist of now? A life sentence of uncertainty??? So many questions that I need to know and fully understand the answers too.
My husband tells me I’m beautiful all the time, he can’t keep his hands off me. He loves my post pregnancy body and embraces the extra weight. I just can’t get on board with it, I just don’t seem to see what he sees in me. He doesn’t just verbalize that he loves me, he makes me feel and believe it through his actions. I often wonder if I am over thinking and be overly critically of myself. I kind of feel that if I can type the above sentence, I probably already know the answer to that question. I have some extra weight from my two pregnancies, I want to get rid of. I want to live a healthy lifestyle, but when I get stressed on disappointed I tend to eat, eat and eat more. Food seems to be my go to and it makes me feel better. Only 3 short years ago, I was in the best shape of my life. I was in love with the gym. But I now I can barely get myself to go; when I do go I put in all the necessary work and then ruin it with unhealthy food. It is like a never-ending cycle. But I know I can do it. I can get back to a point in my life where I am confident in myself, my abilities, my weight and so much more. I am a phenomenal woman JAZMIN! that’s me.
I am 100 % sure thousands of women feel the same way as I do. We critique ourselves to no end. What is the cause of this? Is it the near perfect women we see in social media? Is it the women who lost all their pregnancy weight quickly? Are we beat down and talked down by those we love? I have a small dry erase board on my bathroom vanity. I use it as my personal affirmation board. I will post a picture of it and attach it to this blog post. I wake up and read it. Whenever I am in my bathroom I see it, read it, believe it and I live it. I’d recommend anyone to have a board they can read when ever they have a set back, or just read on a daily basis. I got this idea from my husband, he has one as well. He encouraged me to remind myself how wonderful I am despite what negative thinking can do to the mind.
Why is it so hard to love myself when my children adore me, they both are momma’s boys. I love that they love me and look to me for reassurance, love, kisses when they fall, food, hugs, cuddles. They look to me to be silly with them, color, play, teach them and so much more. How can I love someone else but not fully or equally love myself. It is so weird, I love my children more than I love myself they are an extension of me. I know I need take care of myself as well. I need to show myself just as much love and attention as I show my family. I need to be 100 percent for them and myself. But why does that sound selfish? I am a phenomenal woman JAZMIN ! that’s me.
When I am upset or feel the depression or anxiety coming on, food is my go to. But then I feel like crap after bingeing. But then it happens again and again and again, A never-ending cycle of eating to fill the voids within. There has to be a better way to just cope, I need a solution. So yesterday I went to the book store with my family, I came across some adult coloring books that are supposed to help you focus and relieve stress. Using these coloring books will keep my hands and my mind busy rather than focusing on the negative. I can do this, I can get better, I will get better. DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY?… because I am a Phenomenal Woman JAZMIN ! that’s me.
I strive to remain positive and focus on self-care. I promise to get better not only for myself but for my family. I promise to get better for all the women out there going through something similar. I want to show you all that it is possible.
Your mental health is important take care of yourself Here are some resources
I need answers, Please Comment Below let’s make this a discussion.
musings on life | bits of psychology | attempts at poetry
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